How to Reconnect With Your Partner When You're in Different Seasons of Life
“I feel like I’m in a place in my life where everything I’m doing is falling into place. I’m growing in my career, I’m in therapy working on myself, I’m learning to speak up for myself…but my partner is just…not. I know I love them and I don’t think I want to end our relationship, but I’m feeling lonely and resentful.”
This (or some version of this) is something that often comes up for clients and is actually more common than people realize. When one partner is growing and expanding and the other is stuck, stagnant, or stalling…it’s easy to feel disconnected and unsure how to reconnect with your partner in a meaningful way.
What Does It Mean to Be in Different Seasons?
Being in different seasons doesn’t mean one person is better or “ahead.” It just means you’re experiencing life at different emotional, professional, or developmental stages.
There are many ways this can show up in relationships. Some examples are:
-One of you is focused on career growth, while the other is feeling burned out, unsure, or not motivated/does not have a desire to grow in their career.
-One is diving into therapy or personal healing, while the other avoids those conversations.
-One is ready to plan for the future, while the other is unsure of what they want.
And while this is not inherently unhealthy, it can create tension, disconnection, or even resentment if it’s not acknowledged.
Why It Feels So Hard and Confusing
We are often bombarded with messaging (through family, friends, culture, society, media, etc.) about what relationships ‘should’ look like. A lot of this messaging contributes to the belief that relationships always move in sync.
So when one (or more than one) person shifts, it can activate parts of us that associate ‘in-sync-ness’ with connection. Some more common things that it might touch upon are:
Guilt — “Is it selfish to want more?”
Fear — “What if we’re no longer compatible?”
Pressure — “How do I slow down so they don’t feel left behind?”
The truth is, though, that relationships aren’t static and are nuanced. They are bound to change as people in the relationship change. And the question and work to be done then, is figuring out whether your connection can expand with that growth.
How to Reconnect With Your Partner When You’re in a Different Season
Again, you don’t have to be in the exact same phase of life to stay connected but you do need to acknowledge the gap and get intentional about how you show up with each other. If you're wondering how to reconnect with your partner, start by noticing what's shifted and identifying it without blame.
Here are some other ways to start navigating the space between you:
1. Name it out loud. (To yourself and to them).
Remember, avoiding the shift doesn’t make it go away. Try starting with:
“I’ve been noticing that I’m in a really different headspace lately, and I’m wondering if you’ve felt that too.”
2. Check for resentment (on either side).
Are you starting to feel frustrated by your partner’s pace, or vice versa? That’s a sign something needs attention.
3. Talk about what support looks like.
Ask: What do you need from me during this period? What feels helpful/supportive and what feels overwhelming/irritating?
4. Be honest about your non-negotiables.
If you’re growing in a direction that your partner resents or refuses to acknowledge, that matters. Love doesn’t require shrinking.
5. Remember that pacing does not necessarily mean alignment.
You can move at different speeds and still be aligned. Ask yourself and be honest about if you continue to share things like core values, larger goals, respect, and the capacity to hold each other through discomfort.
When It Might Be Less Healthy
When talking about season gaps in relationships, it’s important to name that sometimes the gaps are not sustainable. Some may point to deeper misalignments that won’t shift with time.
Here are a few things to consider:
-Your growth is consistently met with defensiveness, criticism, distance, unwillingness to talk about
-You’re doing all the emotional labor to bridge the gap.
-You’re noticing a pattern of silencing or dimming parts of yourself to keep the peace.
-Your needs and values feel fundamentally out of sync.
Remember, it is not your job to drag someone along with you. And it’s not selfish to want a relationship and partner that can grow with you.
Some final thoughts
Relationships don’t always move in perfect parallel. And being in different ‘seasons’ doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker …IF both people are willing to acknowledge the gap, talk about it openly, and stay curious about each other’s growth.
If you’re in a season where you feel disconnected and you’re wondering how to reconnect with your partner without abandoning yourself, I want to leave you with this:
You’re allowed to honor where you are. You’re allowed to ask hard questions. And you’re allowed to want a relationship that grows with you.
You don’t have to figure it all out alone. If you’re in that in-between space—wanting connection without losing yourself, this might be the kind of work we can explore together.