Relational Therapy: A human centered approach to healing
One of the most common themes that comes up in my therapy practice is feeling stuck in unhelpful relationship patterns (ex. overgiving, feeling not enough or too much, shutting down) and not knowing how to get ‘unstuck.’ If this sounds familiar, relational therapy might be the therapy approach for you.
Relational therapy is an approach that goes beyond (or beneath) simply ‘fixing’ symptoms. It’s a way to really delve into how your early relationships (particularly with primary caregivers) shaped the way you relate to yourself, others, and the word and how those patterns continue to show up today. Along with exploring early relationships, relational therapy also prioritizes using the therapeutic relationship as a ‘tool’ and connection to help to further understand how we relate to ourselves and others. It is also through the therapeutic relationship that significant healing can happen.
What Is Relational Therapy?
Relational therapy is a form of therapy that focuses on the power of relationships (past and present) in shaping our emotional lives and internal worlds.
Instead of seeing your struggles in isolation, relational therapy sees them in context. How were you taught to connect? When did you learn it wasn’t safe to speak up or ask for your needs? What roles did you have to play in your family to stay connected or survive?
In relational therapy, the therapist isn’t a blank slate. They show up as a real person in the room with reciprocity and mutuality being prioritized in that space. That relationship between you and your therapist therefore becomes a safe space. A space where you can begin to notice patterns in real time, try new ways of relating, and heal through genuine connection.
What Makes Relational Therapy Different?
There are many types of therapy out there, but here’s what sets relational therapy apart:
It’s not just about you…it’s about your relationships. You explore how you show up with others, how you’ve been shaped by past relationships, and how those dynamics still play out.
The therapeutic relationship is part of the work. Your therapist isn't just analyzing you from a distance. They're an active, attuned presence that is willing to engage, be curious, and offer honest reflections. Essentially, your therapist is in connection with you and this is a significant aspect of the healing process with this approach.
It’s trauma-informed and attachment-aware. If you have early experiences of feeling unseen, dismissed, or emotionally neglected, relational therapy provides a reparative relationship where you can experience what safety and trust actually feel like.
Who Can Benefit from Relational Therapy?
While relational therapy can be helpful for many therapy client, it may be especially powerful for people who:
Struggle with people-pleasing or over-functioning in relationships
Often feel like they're “too much” or “not enough”
Have a history of emotional neglect, trauma, or inconsistent caregiving
Experience anxiety in relationships or have an anxious or avoidant attachment style
Want deeper, more authentic relationships but aren’t sure how to get there
Are tired of understanding their patterns intellectually but still feel stuck emotionally
Adult children of Emotionally Immature Parents
If you’ve ever thought, “I know why I act this way, but I don’t know how to change it,” relational therapy might be what’s next.
Common Relationship Patterns Explored in Relational Therapy
In a relational therapy session, you might explore:
A recent conflict with a friend or partner and how it mirrors old dynamics
How you tend to minimize your needs or shut down to keep the peace
How it feels when your therapist notices something you’re avoiding
What it’s like to be seen, challenged, attuned to or supported in ways you didn’t grow up with
This is not surface-level work. It’s honest, sometimes messy, and deeply human. But with the right therapist, it’s also grounding, healing, and life-changing.
Why Relational Therapy Can Be So Healing
At the core of relational therapy is this idea: We are wounded in relationships, and we heal in relationships.
If you’ve spent years carrying the weight of disconnection, self-doubt, or hyper-independence, relational therapy helps you put that weight down, step by step, with someone who’s able to notice, hold, and walk with you through it.
You don’t have to figure it all out on your own. And you don’t have to be “more” or “less” to be worthy of love and belonging.
Curious About Relational Therapy?
If this approach speaks to you, you're not alone. I work with millennial women and women of color who are ready to stop shrinking, start feeling more grounded in who they are, and build more nourishing relationships with themselves and with others.
If you’re interested in relational therapy and are based in New York or Florida, I’m currently accepting new clients.